yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
