just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
