I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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