the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
