I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
