There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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