You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
not ubering you a puppy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
