Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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