reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
