Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
