fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
