You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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