I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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