My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
