I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
