Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
