Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
