woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
