operation harelip BJ is a go
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
