Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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