3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
