yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me