Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to