Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo