Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is my gift to your gina
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....