Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.