The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
