I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
