Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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