yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
