dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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