I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
