come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
