so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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