Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I believe in your delicious
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
