You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
