What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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