Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
