that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
