I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
