I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
