Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
