i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He shit in the fireplace
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
