Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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