I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
dude. I can hear the air.
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