Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
