Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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