I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
