Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you win again, gameday.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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