weddingsv make me drug and hornr
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
