tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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