I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize