someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
