it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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