just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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