Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh god it's open bar.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
