The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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