I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize