you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
