Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
