apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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