escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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