lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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