Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
