the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
