just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
