what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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