I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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