Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am mentally ready for anal.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
