I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
