no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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