Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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