Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
