make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
